Thank you, Universe for...

I like thanking the universe for each and every detail i come across with in daily life.  I came across Psychobabble's grateful-for entry and I thought, wow, that's so nice.  Why not blog it as well?  I did tell her I'll nick her gratitude idea.  I'm sure it's fine with her.

Right now, from where I'm sitting,

I am thankful for my sons, who ALWAYS connect me to the universe.
I am thankful for my mom, sister and far-away bro, my work, my work colleagues, my home, the cutie animals who like to chirp outside, the trees, the sun always peeking at me through the trees during sunset, my heartsharers online and in realtime, my body and a little boy peeking at the monitor while i type.

there are more, but the bubble's burst. hee hee. more next time.

Raising (Bigger) Boys

Yep, I have a new son.  A much bigger son.

Last week, my sperm donor's 18-year-old nephew  called and asked me if he can stay over.  Some messy business with his family moving and all, and he asked if he can stay with us so he can focus on school. 

My nephew is a smart, talented and kind boy. Coming from ehmm... (not to diss, but just telling the precise description:) crazy-ass parents doesn't really fit in the grand scheme of things if that's how you are.

We like having him around.  My sons have fun with him, and he's helpful around the house.  Plus when he stays with us, he thrives in school.  During the school's first quarter, he stayed with us and he got into the top 3 because, he claimed, he "can study here" at our home compared to when he's with his mom.  I also enjoy how he talks and talks around the dinner table, asking many questions about friends, his love life and how to do better in school.
 
Today, he came in with his stuff.
"Tita (Aunt), are you adopting me?".  I just grunted.  Translated to:  If I just can, I would.
"Tita, dad's asking if you want anything that he can bring for you? Chocolates? Clothes?"
MF: "None, really. I just want you to go to school."
"Okay."

So now I'm raising all age ranges of boys: tween - early teen - late teen.

Let's get ready to .... rumblllllle....

When Does a Parent Repay HER OWN Parents?

This morning I brought Leon to an enrichment math class and waited it out til they were dismissed. At first, I thought "I have come full circle, waiting for my kid to get out of school on a Saturday morning ." And I thought about all the BS about parents' payback time. But then again, I thought,

Wait. My parents never stayed in school to wait for me.

And then I went into a pleasant reverie into the past about my parents, doing stuff for me without waiting for anything in return.

What dawned on me, is they did all they could for me so that eventually, I will be able to/ want to do stuff for my kids that my parents never did for me.

That's when I realized, I can only start to repay them for their kindness when I'm raising boys in better ways than they did.

I'm sure that would please my dad the most.


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Teaching "Work Ethics" Early

Hah! NaBloPoMo, I'm in today.

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When 9 yr old came in from school, he immediately asked me

"Ma, when you're a leader and you set a time to do group work, aren't you supposed to appear at the time you set?"

MF: Yes, son. You should even be there first.

So he told me of how he showed up to prepare for a group work and one leader was nowehere to be found, while the other one was elsewhere in school.

So I had to explain, "Son, remember when you went with me to the office then, we would especially be early when there are meetings? Your group work is just like a meeting. When you set a time for everybody to come, you should come. If you're going to be late, you inform them immediately and tell them why." etc etc etc

Parenthood leaves no rock unturned if you want to position your kid to be considerate and ethical in the future.

I've had countless more discussions with Jonesy that I translate to "when you have your own work or business, this is the expected behavior."

Motherfonker overkill. as usual.


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What kind of Mother...

Yes, I totally forgot I joined up for the NaBloPoMo. I didn't write yesterday. It slipped my mind that I committed to write everyday!

Oh well, anyway.

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What kind of Mother...
Doesn't blog about her son's birthday???

Jonesy turned 14 last Oct. 30.
14 years ago, I was wheeled into the delivery room at 5AM and out popped the scrawny worm baby by 6AM.

The worm baby also screeched LOUUUUUUD and DEEP. The worm baby sounded like a fog horn, really. Later on, younger bro would have a very deep baby voice but even he didn't cry THAT loud when he was born. It gave me the omen that this kid could be such a whiner and disser.

My fondest baby memory of Jonesy was him with his "pet" stand fan. As Jonesy wheeled about in his wheeled walker, he clasped the stand fan (with wheels) and he and his "pet" rolled about. Think of the movie "Up". Something like that.

As he toddled through the baby years, he would develop the knack for doing the things you just taught him not to - and with flair. If you told him not to dip his hand down the aquarium, he wouldn't dip his hand. He would chuck in a toy into the aquarium, say the toddler equivalent of "Oops, my toy." and find him sloshing around (head, arms and half body in the aquarium).

He was smart and had a temper, even in his baby years. He had the toy to shoot the correct shapes through. As he tried to put the star shape through the star hole, and couldn't, he angrily opened the damn toy, slammed the star shape in and slammed the thing shut.

Yeah, well he was quite the high-strung kid and if you had a crappy teen-aged mom you would be too (you have permission to blame the mother with all kinds of "what kind of mother..." stuff).

Fast forward to a decade or so later. Yep, he's still quite the hot headed boy with his brother. But in his other environment of school and friends, he is top in his class, he plays a mean keyboard and guitar and peers run to him for advice. Every so often, he would bring home medals and/ or ask me to come to school and award him with something. And with his mother who he knows has an eagle-eye out for hanky-panky, he surprisingly spoils her in their weird kind of non-mush understanding.

So what kind of mother has a smart, talented and understanding boy for a son? One hell of a lucky motherfonker.



Happy birthday, son!
Thank you for giving me glimpses of the universe with your presence.



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Zit!

One of the things I wished for my sons is to at least inherit my skin type. Unlike their sperm donor who was zitty through his teen-age years, my skin was quite problem free. While my classmates agonized over zits and face treatments, I breezed through my teen years with clear skin. I can have all those “cursed stimulants” to grow zits: menstruation, sleeping late, eating oily food and chocolate, but I came out unscathed.

I think my wish has been granted, so far. Jonesy’s skin is low maintenance and his face doesn’t breakout, only occasionally. I have bought him mild skin cleansers but he does not use these, just the usual bath soap. I hope 9 year old will have it as easy.

Sometimes I would catch Jonesy staring at the mirror for an hour. I know what that means. He is mulling over a pimple. I would cut his silence short “Oi! Don’t even think about touching that!” For us with similar skin types, the usual remedy for a pimple is :

1) Don’t touch it. Leave it alone
2) Let the pimple dry naturally with the usual face washing and bath. The skin will be blemish-free in a few days.
3) Touching it or doing something to it leaves scars and heals longer. So what’s the point?

That’s just for me and the spawns of my loins with similar DNA, though.

If your son’s skin is having things bad with acne or other skin problems, note that it MAY or may not cause bad feelings for him. As adults we may pooh-pooh acne for our kids, knowing that beauty is skin deep. It’s tough enough being a teen-ager finding one’s place in the world. It’s worse when you have to go about and your peers look at you and see your skin, instead of what you are down inside.

For our young men and ladies, acne is a serious matter and it may be distracting them from being in the moment.

If your son’s acne seems bad and you notice he seems to be getting affected by it, you may want to suggest or go with him to see a skin care specialist. Shop around for a dermatologist or skin care center empathetic to young people. Yeah I know, they treat skin, not people’s self-esteem, but if you can get a doctor who can be nice to your kid, the better that would be, right?

Also, if your kid is getting emotionally bothered with severe acne, find tactful (non-invasive) ways to be there for him. You can make him feel good about other stuff, such as his hobbies, sports, or academics. (This is our main task as parents, anyway. Acne or none.)

Strengthen his belief in himself, so much so that eventually he feels great facing himself in the mirror, whatever his skin's situation is.


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