On kid crushes

Posted On // 6 comments
Wala - Filipino word meaning "Nothing"


Background: My family is super-conservative. We never talk about crushes. I'm not too sure if we were allowed to have one then. But right now, as a single 32-year old mom of 2 boys you bet your pwet (arse) I'M SURE I am NOT allowed to have crushes in front of my mom. Yeesh.

I'm not too sure where I stand about kids' crushes.

When son the freshman was in kindergarten he said his teacher teased the kids on whose crush was who. I cringed when I first learned of it. They were pre-school for Chrissakes. But this teacher (the headmistress actually) was a smart, warm, wonderful mom with several advanced degrees in child development... so it took a little getting used to, and I just let it be. I pinned my hopes she knew what she was doing, because I hadn't the foggiest idea how to deal with it.

I am still clueless about it, but I do know that generally I would like to teach my sons to be respectful, no matter who has a crush on who.

- -

Last week, 8year old and I talking and I mentioned the name of a girl-classmate. 8yo said “My classmates say that girl has a crush on me.”

I put on my best pokerface. Really…

But truthfully, her mom has good-humoredly told me that she’s so in-crush with my son in grade 1. Little girl talked incessantly about him over the summer break. She also wrote him a lot of pretend love-emails that time. It wasn't annoying because this little girl was modest about it, shy around him, really.

I didn’t tell my son about it because it’s… well… some girl things are sacred.

So I asked my son, What do you do when someone has a crush on you?

No answer.

What?

Still no answer. I said Wala. (translation: Nothing.) You will not do anything. You carry on as always. You will not be rude to a girl, you will always be polite. As you grow older, you will find some girls’ behavior crazy when they like you. But I expect you to do nothing, and still be polite.

Overkill? Ya, I know.

It’s just that I think crushes are the petri dish of future relationships. And they’re genetically pre-disposed to become male chauvinist pigs. Their spermdonor is a pig, their grandspermdonor was a pig, and Lord knows 1 of my grandfathers is a major porker – a rural legend with his impregnating women from every street in his small, sleepy town. With all due apologies to pigs, of course.

- -

Friday that same week…

8yo reported he was also being teased that another classmate had a crush on him. He excitedly told this to his bro over dinner.

I raised my point again, this time for the benefit of freshman bro. Freshman bro has an “active lovelife” also. Yeah, I’m a big LOZER beside these two.

Remember what we talked about when girls have a crush on you? What will both of you do when someone has a crush on you?

“Pursue the girl!” freshman kidded.

EWW! Gross! That is so gurkish (an adjective I made up to pertain to all things macho-wacho, chauvinist, icky, gross and whatnot, based on their spermdonor’s nickname)

“I was just kidding!”

Still, ick.

What? What do you do when you find out a girl is crushing you?
8 year old is quiet, lesson obviously forgotten.

What???, I pester.

“Run?” asks freshman

Clue. Starts with a letter W. 4 letters.

Both boys chorus – “Walk?”

WALA! WALA!! WALAAAAAAA!!!!! You don’t do anything!

Sigh. Should I even try at all???

6 comments:

Casey said...

I have no answers for you, my kids are NEVER allowed to date or have crushes.

Kat Olivares said...

LOL... Maybe when they're 50 years old? with chaperone...

mrsbear said...

You're a funny mom. I think you've got the right idea, teaching them to be respectful to the girls. Hopefully dodging that piggish bullet in their genes. ;-)

Captain Dumbass said...

I saw your comment over on Casey's site about hoping one of your kids was gay. That was beautiful and I hope it's ok that I steal and save that for when they're old enough that I can use it on them.

Kat Olivares said...

@Captain Dumbass, go-go-go!

My son and I also love the fishies at ur site... we're copying! :-)

Kat Olivares said...

@Mrs Bear : I think I overdid it... one son's showing much too loyalty to one girl it makes me squirm...