Boundaries for Sons

Posted On // 5 comments

This issue has been wriggling in my head for several months now.

A lot of you have sons, but I'm guessing most still have baby boys, or are in elementary grades (or have baby brains, whatever the age ;-) so this is a far-off concern for now.

My 13 year old (the one who acts 18yo. 8yo acts like he's 30) has been slowly but surely partaking in late-teen boys activities since last year I'm continually stunned each time this manifests.

I know raising boys also means eventually letting go, but I was kinda hoping it would go according to the sked we take for granted. A lot of things he does now I was expecting he would do so at 16, or 17 years old... not start at 12.

I've been starting to worry about young people's crazy-ass shit as well. There's always the smoking, the alcohol, mild drugs, scary drugs, reckless sex... These grown-teens' activities always hook in vices somehow. He's very active in school and academics, so that's one glimmer of hope for me. Less time to stay out of trouble, less chance to hang out with the dregs-kids. But then, when he's just hanging out, I worry. Really.

I've been percolating in my head where do I set my boundaries.

I'm guessing these activities aren't happening yet, but when you're a parent, early is always on-time. Can't help kids to avoid certain situations when they're already swimming in it, right?

It's kinda different, I guess, when you have boy-girl children, or mostly girls children. Maybe parents of these sets think and feel differently.

When one raises boys, where does one stand? There are roles expected of males that are inevitable. These roles are a big part of their lives, whether I like it or not (I not, mostly.). Which lines shouldn't be crossed? Which lines do you let sons go na-na-na-na as they crisscross dance across the boundary and parent just laughs it off, or ignore it? Where, where, where???

My main considerations are mainly:

1) Young boys will ALWAYS find ways to do these naughty things behind your back. They have the "tough" roles to fill. Naughty is fine, but extreme deviant behavior (such as addictions or violence) scare the bejezus outta me.

2) That the boys balance between being non-sissies and being sensible.

3) Oh, and have I mentioned I did those things too when I was younger so much younger than today, i never needed anybody's help in any way? ... My life is an open-book, even to them. I refuse to be all-righteous on them. I feel it's dishonest and puts me at a disadvantage because I have to pretend to be someone I'm not.

I'm kind of hoping to go for the "It's okay if you try a little(at this age, and later, do these things moderately) but these things don't have to take over your regular activites" route.

Man, cross my fingers. And toes... and everybody else's toes. Include your eyes!


Casey said...

That's a tough one. My parents never talked to me about ANYTHING... sex, drugs, even girl stuff, and I had to learn it all the hard way. I wasn't super bad but I sure did things that my folks didn't know about. I'm glad you're honest with the boys, I plan on being the same way..

Kat@MotherFonker said...


Nice post! But no matter how hard we try, we can never stop a child from growing up. They will still get hurts and a lot more scars. That's life.

clarkie300 said...

Tough age to deal with, if you set too many boundaries it might cause rebellion, but if you don't, they rebel anyways right? Oh I can't wait!

Kat@MotherFonker said...

Yeah... but so far... i have more blissful moments than worries with having bigger kids.