Mother Fonker - To fonk is human. To mother, divine.

When I was younger and meaner, I've tried on the "Junior-mistress-in-Training" clothes, had an affair with an SOB who already had a girlfriend.

Yeah, yeah, before I get up from the PC with arrows all over my head, as people who know me in personal life already know, I have already paid handsomely and dearly for this shiteous (thanks Good Enough Mama for this crazy vocabulary for the day!) behavior. Actually, I'm still paying for it 'til now, now that I think about it. LOL Credit line to eternity...

I'm sure many of you my dear sisters detest "the other woman" or the mistress bitch archetype. Whatever she looks, sounds like, thinks or feels, we hate her. Whether she's quiet, noisy, mousy, hot, small, large (XXXXL!), as long as she thieved away one woman's man, we hate her. We lump them all together into one category: too non-human to understand. We, as mothers, comprehend love and understanding. Surprisingly, for this group, we have the tendency to not budge.

Last Saturday, I had the chance to re-think some regarding this as I heard the dialogue from a local show.

- The teen heroine wanted to go to the wake of her dead father.
- She can't.
- Turns out she was a lovechild between the usual horrid, loudly dressed, too made up, sexy mistress, and her dad.
- The first time she tried to go to the wake with her friends, she was turned away by Original Wifey.

Next time, her mistress-mom accompanied her.

This is what the mistress told the Original Wifey:

"I know you've wanted to kick and slap me since the day you've learned about me. Well, kick and slap me for as long as you want now, as long my daughter wants to spend time with her dad!"

And I, washing the dishes in the background, exclaimed out loud "(LOL) Whoa, CLASSEH!"

8 year old was puzzled why I was talking to myself again.

Interesting to find what mothers, whether wives are mistresses to begin with, will do (or have done to them!) for their kids.

I never did get to find out what the orig wifey did.

What would you have done if you were Orig Wifey? Or if you were Mistress?

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Make friends with your kids' friends, remember their names and information. It adds to the list of lifestuff you can share with your kids.

Attended 2 thingamajiggy events in the boys' school. One program for each son, so I was running to and fro the high school and elementary.

I inhaled the vibe of high school. The young men strutted, the young lasses were consciously being pretty. I lurved eet!

What I loved most about being near teenagers: being around a sea of spankin' new collagen in skin and hair... Made me feel the skin by my eyes and neck went up an inch or two. I swear!

- -

I have been a youth coach in my non-profit heyday, so it's natural for me to talk to young people.

I didn't know this was supposed to be weird until I recounted a conversation to my childhood friend, of my sons' friend talking to me/ joking with each other even though their basketball game has already started. My friend teased me, "Uyy.. close (Translation: Uyy.. the boy is close to you."

So I go in my head, "???"

I guess talking to kids is one thing I acquired from my previous office of feminists and activists. They were nice, open and non-toxic to their kids. Lucky for the boys I worked at that office. I was exposed to a slightly generation-gapped family.

And then I remember how virtually nobody's parents talked to us when we were teen-agers. And those adults who did, I really admire and feel close to, even upto now. Ashamedly, I opened up to them more I did my own parents.

Make friends with your kids' friends, remember their names and information. It adds to the list of lifestuff you can share with your kids.

- -

Funny last claiming of report cards, I nudged my freshman son "Introduce me to your friends." I wanted to get to know him more through the people he hung out with. And also, so I know who he's talking about when he talks about the happenings in class. Etchos... Besides my seriously noble intentions, I thought I'd enjoy making him squirm. (Can't leave that out of the agenda, hehehe)

Well, he did introduce me to his friends and close classmates. He did a pretty good job, like a well-mannered, balanced boy. (Wanted to shake him by the collar to see if there's any sign of possession... No??? Alien invasion?)

You know who squirmed while I was being introduced?

His classmates!

The China milk news is still grating through my veins right now (been several days, really). As in I feel this "bshk bshk bshk" in my insides as I imagine how people ACTUALLY GIVE the GO-AHEAD for literally deadly stuff just because it brings down production cost, etc etc. Grrr...

- -

Also saw this site as I did my entre-rounds - on kids suffocating themselves and calling it a "game". Damn, who coined such a pleasant spin on a very dangerous act? Grr...

Very much a downer, but something to include in monitoring our children.

I am so not telling my boys about this. While I trust their judgment and am open to them about the uglier realities of life, my call on this one is to shut up. I'll just put the info on auto-monitor, just in case...

I shudder to think that kids even try this.

- -

Just posting this as FYI for parents who don't know yet.

Mrs. Bear over at Outnumbered 2 to 1 tagged me to write 6 quirksome things about myself. Told her I may have some difficulty spilling out 6 items because I've lost all objective perception of what is quirky, weird or outright evillll...

I'm also tagging the following blogs for this meme. Just write 6 quirky things about yourself, choose 6 blogs you would also like to write their quirkiness, put their links on your blog and inform them.

Have fun writing!

Tagged! You're it! --
Lynette of Outspoken
Ayndee of Anne's Sponge
Choco of Dashing Smiles
Dana of The Homesteading Housewife
Stacey of Havoc and Mayhem
Monkey Fables and Tales

- -
Here goes. Stifle the yawning, pls.




"The polo shirts ALWAYS look whiter over there."

If other people are hung up over the greenness of the grass over at the neighbors', me, I'm hung up over my sons' uniforms.

Other kids' white uniforms always seem white and clean.
My sons' always look grayscale, whether I view it with my CMYK or RGB eyes. Gaaack. I rub, I scrub, I brush, I plead (to the polo shirt). To no avail.

I hope the day I snatch the neighbors' laundry never comes...


I'm tickled pink with spray bottles for cleaning.

Put in water and detergent in an empty spray bottle and blast it away at any part of the house. I use it to clean away dust, or rub out stains in the sink, stove, bathrooms... I lurv it!

Tickled most that I can actually clean DUSTY BOOKS with a very light spritz of soapy water. You know how just dusting is ineffective for books. Just air books out a little before returning to storage. I live in a tropical country so try it out first with one book if you live in colder places. Books and I are happy they are dust-free.

And I really didn't like cleaning anything, until I tried this.


My superpowers can also be attributed to a piece of apparel Spidey had his costume. Batman had to have his belted underwear worn over his britches (crazy!).

Me, I need my gloves! My gloves!... to do the cleaning, plates, laundry, even cooking when my hands really hurt, to function normally. Yeah, I use separate gloves for food-related jobs. I cannot save the world without gloves.


I take Eckhart Tolle's advice - Be in the moment -
At least once a day, I consciously make the effort to stop thinking and feel the sensation of being inside my body at that moment. Why do I do this? Vanity. He says people in the present age much slower. ;-)


My laughing is macabre.
I laugh when I'm happy, glad, blissful, surprised, neutral, afraid...
Not really when I'm angry or sad. That is so advanced round already. (Well... Maybe just a lil bit...)


On names - I'm a betrayer of roots.

My real name is derived from my mom's. She's Gloria, and she named me Glorie Mae. (The nerve! :-p) Sometimes, when my mom's in her ballistic swings(or we call it "possession," like Linda Blair, yes) I find it quite a pain to be named after her.

Altogether now: Glorie Mae! Glorie Mae! Glorie Mae! No matter how much you desensitize yourself to it, it's a perennial 11-year old name. I'm turning thrice this number next year, so imagine how difficult it is to use this real name.

My milkname is Bujing ("Boo-jing"), sometimes called Buje ("Boo-je"). When I was 5yrs old, my sister shortened Buje and christened me with my nickname, "Ge" (Pronounced as "Je"). So when I switched to Katya/ Kat, I also betrayed her.

I loved being called Ge then. However, this Ge is the spoiledest, nastiest, evil youngest child you'll ever meet. If I met her now even I wouldn't like her. Had some 1,440-degree twists and turns in life... She was also a toxic wife and a bad mommy, so when I was christened Katya/ Kat in the office, I welcomed the change. Stabbed this little meany Ge, kicked her off a cliff, and got down the cliff to stab her again. And again and again... Muhahaha!

Why did people in the office name me Katya? Well... Katya is a porn star.
'Nuff said.

Edited/ altered 9-24-08

Everyone says the animated movie Wall-E is great.

I agree. We've only seen it this week-end (late again) and I lurv it!, especially for it's environmental angle.

Definitely, I cringed at the earth's trash.
If you haven't seen the movie, you will, too.

Wall-E with trash, and a trashed bra blocks his view

- -

Here in my country, people still haven't caught on the bring-your-own-grocery-bags lifestyle. We're behind by decades compared to other countries in terms of environment awareness (Cringe). All establishments still provide plastic bags.

- If you shop in the grocery stores, at least the whole week's supply is
nicely fit into the least number of bags possible.

- But if you shop at the wet markets, each store provides a bag. So if you
shop for one item at ten stores you get ten bags. (Cringer)


I've been planning for years now to bring my own shopping bags but I always forget.

I live next to a wet market, and buy daily for fresh food SO IMAGINE THE PLASTIC BAGS I IRRESPONSIBLY ACCRUE (Cringest).

- -

After watching Wall-E, the next day I brought my cloth tote bag and empty ice cream tubs to the wet market.

The ice cream tubs were for the fish and meat.

The sellers were pleased. I got superpretty smiles from them that day. 12 year old son said it's not because they were happy to help save the environment with me. It was because I was saving them plastic bags to give to other customers.

Fine with me... at this point.

As long as I've started doing my share for Momma Earth (and secretly setting a good example for the boys... hehe, sneaky), I'll worry about that next time.

I haven't been going out with my friends for the longest time.

Met up with them and caught up on their lives news.

As we walked home, a friend mentioned about two brothers (Filipino) gaining great following on YouTube by lip-sync-ing popular songs. It was pretty entertaining, she said. Their first videos were shot only through a cellphone on top of the sofa. I was intrigued so I told her I'll check it out when I got home.

When I got home, 8 year old was already asleep. 12 year old was in front of the pc, viewing YouTube.

I told him "Look up Moymoy Palaboy."

And he said "I AM watching Moymoy Palaboy right now."

Weird huh.

Turns out these two brothers are kooky. Vids are quite dorky, but fun to watch.

Lurv the vids. 12 year old and I spent about an hour or two chuckling together.

Here's some of my faves.

"Volare"



Love how their aunt passes by and dances, oblivious a video is being shot.
Translation at the end: "And the other moustache has never been seen again..."


What is most striking to me is that they're obviously close. It takes some kind of closeness between two brothers to be THIS silly.

"Bohemian Rhapsody"



My wish: for my boys to have the same bond... someday.


Liked the vids? Check out other Moymoy Palaboy vids.

From Anoyan.com

(A Dictionary of Filipino Slang Words & Idioms)

Banig. The woven mat where most Filipinos sleep on. My grandfather used to lay out a banig in the living room when he thought it was about time that my aunt’s suitor had to leave—six pm—when the sun went down.

To my impressionable young mind back in the ‘80s, Filipino movies were corny. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of the Filipino obra movies were made in the 1980’s. But of course, being a child then, I can only see the fluff movies. Most of these 1970’s-80’s movies I also see only in tv, not in the moviehouse.

Courtship scenes were, of course, iconic to Pinoy movies (Along with dancing on the beach scenes). Young boy, together with his friends, troop to the fair maiden’s house in the evening to hang out. Young boy and fair maiden make googoo eyes at each other as strict father or mother hover in the background.

Young men serenading a maiden late at night, and these men being doused with liquid stuff from the bed pan (whatever it contains) by the parents is more iconic of ‘60s movies, at least in my head.



What struck me in these '70s to ‘80s movies is that when the night is drawing late, the parent/s have a weird gesture to make the young men leave.

They pull out the sleeping mat (“banig”) to the living room, bring out the pillow and bedsheet and feign preparing to sleep on the living room floor. This is even if they don’t really sleep there and have their own bedroom.

It was the signal that the night is over, thank you, so you can up and bring your butts home, you’re welcome, goodnight.

Cue from the fair maiden: “You should go home now. Father has laid out the banig on the living room floor, getting ready to sleep.”

This is a very Filipino way of being unable to directly ask for anything, especially from visitors. They always imply, but never ask, as they feel it is rude to ask. It also mixes a Pinoy parent’s protectiveness for their daughters.

I guess parents don’t bring out the sleeping mats anymore, unless they really do sleep on the living floor.

- - -

Fast forward to 2008. Kids are crazy over instant messaging over the net. They can go forever (ahem, like adults), even until sun-up, if parents don’t monitor internet use.

It was past 12 year old’s bedtime and he was still chuckling at the messages popping up in his IM.

As always, humor or diplomacy should be put to good use to remind our young people of their right conduct.


To my son, Ahem…

To me, from son : *Ignore*

Past bedtime, you know…

“Wait…”

Ahem…

“Wait…”

Can you please IM your friend, "my mom said 'You should go home now…

'My mom has laid out the banig on the living room floor…

'… Getting ready to sleep…' "

And I laugh myself silly at my dorkness, since 12 year old obviously doesn’t get what I’m talking about.

Generation gap joke.

It’s my silly laughing that makes him rush the pc shutdown and he runs for cover.

Old lady might share what she’s laughing at.

Celebrate with Carlota at Dashing Smiles' first anniversary!


Blog about this contest and get a chance to win an I-Pod Docking Station or
for international entries, $15 (via paypal).


Deadline is September 14, 2008. Draw is on September 15.


For more details, head over to Dashing Smiles

Happy blogging anniversary, Carlota! May you have more articles, sponsors and dazzling smiles from your beloved readers!


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Of course we all want to be better. Each and every day, we try. Each and everyday, we hope we're better for our children than yesterday.

Oh boy, Fonker is pretty serious today. Why???

- -

Well, things are pretty kick-ass here at home. Just learned yesterday (Thursday)that release of cards is tomorrow (Saturday). And only learned today the boys' academic ranking.

As always, 8year old is tenth in class. Yey. Yey because I don't push him to be in the top 10, but he is. All I bug him for is to pass requirements on schedule.

12year old is no.3! A first time for the family. I also don't bug him, except for the basic things like monitoring deadlines, etc. He's always ranked 6th-8th every quarter, so this is a happy time for all of us.

He has his awarding program tomorrow, so I'm very proud.

Plus I didn't forget my manners and told both boys I'm proud of them.

- -

So here I am, doing laundry, after the boys have gone to sleep...
Like you I get my most profound philosophies while doing the laundry...

And I felt like the luckiest Mother Fonker in the world...

*Birds chirping*

Sigh. I'm really so lucky with my boys....


Brsht... Wetaminute! Wetaminute!

And it all flashes in my head.

- Uniforms/ costumes needed to be worn for a certain day, but still unwashed the morning it's needed,

- School supplies needed, but forgot to buy,

- Getting home early unannounced, but I'm out, so a son sits outside and patiently waits for me.

- Mixed-up schedules,

- Food unprepared,

- Or not attending a special school event... (something I've improved on since I work at home now)

- and the nastier episodes, like lecturing a son about an error (read: ranting, raving and 360-degree head turns from me) ... and turns out it wasn't his mistake (or worse - it's my mistake!)

So many goof-offs from me!



Oh yeah, you bet I'm tearing my hair out right now. Plus there's this lone tear glistening in my eye.

Like I don't deserve them! Not at all...

How the fonk does a dorky, unorganized mom get ok kids???

Law of balance?


Like my mom, she's perfect. She's suspiciously a Filipina clone of Martha Stewart. Pristine and immaculate house, balanced meals, she did everything!

And we turned out to be .. lazy ass house-morons, inconsiderate for family, etc etc. And my mom, well, house-perfect that she is, she's a different story. For now, let's just say she's a ticking bomb eager for every chance to explode. Sometimes, we don't like her at all. Always, I'd gladly trade an imperfect household with a mom I really like ALL the time.



Is it really in our imperfections as parents that our kids grow up hardy and upright? Me, I acknowledge my weaknesses to the boys, and ask for their help when I know I can't do it.

(And you can pretty well imagine how ballistic my mom gets when I ask for the boys
help, especially with chores. She wants me to do everything, like she did. Like hell I would!)

Oh hell. Whatever! However imperfect we may think of ourselves, our kids love us, and think the world of us. It also helps a lot that whatever imperfections we have, they think all families have the same kind of dork moms. Later, as adults, when they find out that their mother IS the ONLY goofball among a lot of mothers, they'll shake their heads that we pulled one on them.

My body type is very-pear-shaped with thunder thighs. I rarely get to buy jeans that fit well. My blouses are sized at medium or large (equivalent to 2/4/6 US size), but my pants (sigh) scream at XXL or beyond (size 10 or 12). And I'm only 5"3... in heels!

Easy enough for me to slap on any pair, but really, they just look so wrong. Either it fits my waist nicely but the thighs are bursting... or the thighs are comfy, but the pants fall. And believe me, when you use belts, it doesn't really do the trick because the pants fold vertical creases at the waist. The belt is up but the pants are still down, hanging desperately by the belt holder. Plus you get burned marks at the waist. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

Low rise for ladies, out. Always too teeny tiny. The entire pair.
Boot-leg. Always too tight at the knees. WTFonk??? Ick.
Straight cut for ladies. If I can find something straight for my thighs, it totally transforms into flare pants. And it's IF I find straight cut that'll fit the thighs.
Wide leg. Aah... Utopia... But then again, wide leg pants are mostly slacks here. Have to travel several continents to find wide leg jeans.
Stretchy materials are great, but you still need an alchemist to concoct the perfect combo for the stretchy waist and comfy thigh-room.

I'm not running out of things to say... I guess this means it really has been a rough ride for me.)

Why, God?... Why???

I was scouting around for a shirt for 12 year old when I saw a glint up ahead. Ting! Nice low rise jeans on a mannequin! And in the teen boys department! Ehmmm... *Marbles in head rolling* Low-rise + guys sizes equals....

Needless to say, I never did get to buy him a shirt.

I got me one jean! Hooohhhray!

I think I'll buy two more of the same pair... or four... or six...eight? ten?....

Haven't been blogging since after my 2-day mysterious illness (mysterious since the symptoms were new to me) the 2 boys were down with very high fever.

Was worried mostly about them having dengue fever, that easily escalates to hemorrhagic dengue or dengue shock. It's pretty common here, since we're a tropical country. It's very scary for me since after several days of very high fever, the child seems well, but it's actually this wellness stage that blood platelets count start dropping.

When I was a teen-ager, my 12 year old cousin had very high fever for three days, got well, then suddenly died! (On the 4th or 5th day since the start of the high fever). Turns out she had dengue... The sad thing is, she must've not known she's dead because the children often see her passing by in the house after her death.

So on to the present, when the boys' sperm donor told me to bring them to the doctor in the morning since 12year old had spots, I froze. (He slept the entire day in his room so I really did not see.) I didn't wait 'til morning, I wheeled them in to the emergency room at 10PM.

Thankfully, they were outpatients. They had blood tests three days in a row. Surprisingly, 8 year old was pretty cool about it. No screaming or tears everytime the needle puctured him for some blood samples, as I expected kids to. He just scrunched his face quietly everytime, like his big bro.

I also scoured the web for dengue articles so I can monitor them closely. Also found this article in Kengkay's blog, about sweet potato plants bringing up blood count, and it's effective! I churned out big batches of sweet potato juice with citrus juices to make it more edible for the boys. Yum! Tastes great and the blood counts were up, up, up! Thanks so much, Kengkay, for the post!

Turns out 12 year old has measles. He's had it before, the teensy weensy kind, so now it's the real deal. While measles has its own scary turf to terrorize, I am less fearful of it than dengue. 8 year old... shared in the flu-like symptoms, but no dengue and no measles.

On the fourth day of having no fever, they were up chirpy and bantering. Teynks Gad, I never think I look forward to boys' banter. But now it makes me smile :-)

- -

Fever alert!

What to watch out for : DENGUE FEVER
More common in tropical countries, spread around by mosquito aegyptis aedes
Complication of dengue fever is dengue hemorrhagic fever and dengue shock

Symptoms or Child has :

- Very high fever for 2-7 days (can be as high as 41 degrees)
- possibly, convulsions
- rashes in arms and legs
- older children: pain behind eyes, stomach pain, muscle pain, headache
- Easily mistaken for severe flu or measles


Treatment:

No meds for this one.

Main concern is to monitor blood count, maintain fluids in the body.

Paracetamol for very high fever.

No vaccine either.


Dengue hemorrhagic fever is a lethal complication from dengue fever.
- Rashes are more pronounced
- Watch out for bleeding in the nose and the gums
- Bloody stool
- May require blood transfusion for severe cases