Saturday, June 26, 2010

The Eternal War between Parents and Teens?

What is this hang-up of parents about handling teens?

Why should they always be at war? Why should there be divisiveness?

It's something I don't get, why parents and teens should always take a swing at each other.

I think so far, at the homefront, me and my teen are getting along fine. The war between parents and teens can be skipped, my opinion.

I can't really say it's about starting the relationship right from the very beginning. My teen has suffered the brunt of all my angry years when he was small. If there's any child who has the perfectly reasonable excuse to harbor some long-time anger at a parent, it's him.

But I have paid my dues, and I have assured him of my apologies and I have made up from all my wrong-doings.

So far, now, we are okay. Of course, there are times that I do my usual sermon, but nothing that bad that usually burdens the toxic teen-parent relationship.

How do I do it?

By just letting him be. And by clarifying I don't do it because I want him happy always and don't want him to get cross at me, but I do it because I respect him and his decisions.

Maybe most wars between teens and parents are from those that do not recognize the autonomy of the teen. I dunno. I don't want to find out what it is. I'm good where we are right now.

Sometimes I feel guilty and wonder if I'm spoiling him... but then, he is doing well in school and has a stable group of okay friends and continuously studies his passion, music. Maybe it's just the right thing to do.

Of course, I keep a watchful eye. There are some things he does that I don't agree with but still don't say anything if I estimate it's not major. Sometimes he gets surprised that i disagree with one of his decisions, because I just let it be.

Eh... teens are thinking people. The most you can do is watch out, guide to prevent bad things from thinking, assure that you're there in the background for easy back-up when things go awry, and guide how to get out if there's trouble. Be there before, during and after in the periphery. It's mostly about them building their confidence, strengthening the bones of their wings while you are in the background. They fly a bit, come back, fly a bit, come back. And they tend to fly more when they know you are there to fly back to.

Hope my goodluck keeps up. *cross fingers*



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1 comments:

Renz said...

I guess with what we've experienced and learned, we become great parents.

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