Parenting is Always a Series of Goodbyes

Earlier, 9 yr old asked me to accompany him to buy a portable mp4 player. He had his own money so I went with him. After buying, I told him we had to make a quick stop to McDonald's to get his brother a sandwich. He begged me to let him go ahead home. I was quite surprised. The mall was right beside our village. There was only a short stretch and he would be at the guard house, but I was still hesitant.

After a minute or two (but inside my head an eternity of debate has already run), I let him go. But of course, I creeped towards the parallel path with a lot of people where he couldn't see me, and watched him walk away until he was a dot.

While creeping, I couldn't help but be reminded of how parenting is always a series of goodbyes. You will soon have to say goodbye to the sleeping infant when he learns to crawl, then goodbye to the crawling baby when he learns to walk, then run (giving you a series of mini-heart attacks). Then he learns to play with you, and you say a little goodbye when he learns to make friends, goes to school, etc etc etc.

Soon enough, your child walks off away from you.

In parenting, changes are quick, and you have to keep up. You can't really afford to cling on to one concept of what your child is. It's bad for the both of you. You're trying to mold an independent person, and he can't really be independent if you stick only to what you've become accustomed to.

Well, I'm fine with always saying goodbye (and creeping stealthily as I watch the boys from a distance, hehehe). What I can always just assure is that I'll always be around to say Hi!, regardless of my sons' age or status, when I'm needed. :-)





Liked this post? You can be notified with newest entries, subscribe to MotherFonker Blog

When Brothers Finally Become Brothers

Could it be?
Am I hearing right?

My 2 sons have always been polar. One is like this, the other is that. One is competitive, the other laid back. One is choosy of friends, the other Mr. Congeniality. During parties, one likes cake, the other ice cream (so I always HAVE TO get both). If I ask what do you guys want for dinner? Simultaneously, one will say "Fried," the other "Stewed".

My eldest is not the type who likes little kids, so you can imagine his orneriness to the younger brother. This plus being 5 years apart, you can somehow expect bullying and neglect.

My sibs and I started the same way. Super bullying and mega fights and hyperduper crying, until it all evolved into a relationship that is just too special for me. My love for those 2 dorks are a notch up above everyone else's. Sometimes, I think, more than I love my parents (weird, but true).

With all the boys' shouting and crying and even bodily violence when they were little, sometimes it broke my heart. Of course, I didn't show it. I just let the boys be who they are as a brother. Sometimes, when one expresses bad feelings about the other, I try to explain why the other was nasty while ALSO trying to not invalidate the feelings. They should be allowed to feel what they feel, and feel safe enough to share it. When raising boys, it does not do good to encourage them to recognize their feelings and when they do, you overrule them because he felt bad about the sibling. You can encourage peace, but not invalidate how they feel. You have to make boys see that it's safe for them to share feelings and they won't be shot down, even if the feeling is not so acceptable. They should feel accepted as they are, not only because they follow what is expected. I believe, when they feel safe, they will do what is expected of them voluntarily.

I digress. Anyhoo, I was praying that they'd grow and eventually be to each other what my sibs and I are to one another.

- -

Last night, the brothers went up late. A little later, I can still hear them talking quietly. Then some quiet laughing, then more talk talk talk. This meant less than 8 hours sleep for the younger one, but I let them be. This time at least.

There was something different with their talk this time. A little more tender?... And their laughter, a little more honest than usual... It used to be that they only laughed like this only if there's a cousin or a friend around. But now, there's just them and that laughter is delicious to hear.

Finally, sibling bonds kicking in.

And me, motherly giddiness.

I can't stop smiling.





Liked this post? You can be notified with newest entries, subscribe to MotherFonker Blog

Wow, My Youngest Son is Turning Human

If all kids want birthday parties, my son has always preferred not to have one.

Each and every year, I ask him if he wants a birthday party: No.
How about I bring a simple snack for everyone in school: No.
How about having a kiddie party package in a burger joint: No.

I can't really say he's the shy type. Everywhere we go, at relatives' homes, the playground, day trip to the beach, etc. he always makes a friend or 2 or more.

This year though, he has finally acceded to hold a simple birthday at home. He says he just wants friends to eat over.

WOOT!

He's finally human. At 10.






Liked this post? You can be notified with newest entries, subscribe to MotherFonker Blog

Who Do You Use your Best Dinnerware On?

Last new year's eve, I was assigned to host the family dinner for the first time ever. Because of this, I finally got to do something I've been putting off for a long time: get some spankin' new tableware.

After the celebration, while I did the dishes and wiped those dry, my reflexes began to prepare to keep away those nice dishes for storage, to be resurrected again for the next party hosting. Reserve the best tableware and flatware for special occasions and special people, so make sure these are in 1 piece until that next time. These wouldn't survive if I used them daily, with boys' usual butterfingers and horsing around. And besides, other moms do that. They keep away their best dinnerware for parties or dinner hostings.

But then, the inner motherfonker piped up - tut, tut, tut... REALITY CHECK!

Who are the best, the most special in your life? Ehmm... my boys.

When are the most special moments of your life? Emmmm.. When I'm eating dinner with the boys, and we talk about school, life, their friends....

Okay, so who deserves to use the best dinnerware? Hehehe, me and my boys.

Exactly, now bring out those special dishes woman, before I swat you some.

Inner me had a good point, so of course, the dishes were left out in the open. These could be chipped or broken sooner or later, but those are just objects anyway. Sometimes we do have to put in perspectives what are really the most important in our lives.

Especially if you have bigger kids, having a nice set of tableware helps make dinner with them more pleasurable.

Want to get some new tableware and flatware for the family? Try Pfaltzgaff and Pottery Barn for beautiful dinnerware with the best deals.





Liked this post? You can be notified with newest entries, subscribe to MotherFonker Blog

My 9 yr old is Growing Up too Fast

I noticed these days he's staying up later than usual.

He eats more. As in a lot. And frequently.

Plus the eternal issue of growing his hair long is still here.

And of course, as most boys are, he's always out of the house.

His brother remarked earlier today he seems to act older than the other 9 or 10 year olds. So I told him, "When you were in pre-school, your teacher said you also acted older than your age." And she asked me if you were hanging out with older boys, and I said yes, there is an older cousin he hangs out with. "And so now, with your little brother, there's you. So his interests and behavior matches up to yours as well."

Thank goodness, if growing boys grow further away, this one is now making it a point that within the day, he'll somehow sit beside me here at my desk. And we'd talk some about school, his friends, even for just a bit.

He's turning 10 next month so then he's officially entered the 2-digit age stage.

Very soon enough, I'll have to return this baby to the stork, in exchange for a growing monkey.






Liked this post? You can be notified with newest entries, subscribe to MotherFonker Blog

New Year's Resolutions?

Do you make any during the start of the year?

I don't make a new year's resolutions list, but I do I have this list that I want to happen for the year.

If a list is branded as THE new year's resolutions list, everything gets chucked into the trash, stat.

Maybe because of the implied sweat, blood and tears behind the branding?

I would like improvements in my life, which is what new year's resolutions are for, but I pass on the grit-your-teeth-and-bear-it bs. Life is too short to have to sweat blood over.

I'm guessing the effort-y things in your list involve manic exercise and chores done to neurotic perfection? Definitely not fun.

I have found that most of the time, things in my list do somehow happen through the year, whether I slave away or not over it. So why agonize at all?

Want to make your own list?
- List everything you want to happen in 2010.
- Done? Okay, close your notebook or file.
- Then get on with your life.

If you really just have to obsess over it, fine. You may check it, abut look at it end of 2010.
Everything that did not happen, add to your list for 2011.

But I assure you, you would've made happen A LOT of it by then.

Instead of the usual new year's resolution with obsessive-compulsive schedules that are conveniently forgotten by 3rd week of January.

Give yourselves a break. Have fun with improving your year :-)





Liked this post? You can be notified with newest entries, subscribe to MotherFonker Blog