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You Never Really Get Over Losing -- a Real Dad

Alert - a very boring entry indeed. Diary material, not blog type.

It's my dad's birthday. I miss him so baaad. He became a perma-vacationer to another spiritual plane almost 5 years ago. I realized i've been thinking about him almost everyday the past few weeks. I don't know why. I guess I just really miss him.

I usually like to put on a festive mode whenever it's his birthday. He loved christmas traditions, so for several years now the boys and I set up the tree on his birthday after we blow some candles and have cake.

But today I don't know why I'm so sad... Tears have been streaming down my eyes on the way home from my kid's school (but the rest of me is not crying, thankfully.) Pops would have been so proud of 13yo. Yesterday the kid brought home 2 awards, one for directing the batch video and another for winning the literature quiz bee. and today was recognition day, he was top 2 in class.

but the tears just kept leaking. i went to the mall to get him, not cake this year, but a pastry named napoleones (His name was Napoleon so I get a kick out of it). Ill plug some candles on it later. Good thing I'm wearing my fake glasses so the public doesn't fathom the crazyass lady leaking her eyes to the max.

Now I got home, and the family yahoogroups remembers him and now I'm crying for real. Of course, with poise. Pops never really liked crying, so I guess I owe it that much to him to at least leak my eyes with poise.

Stuff my dad loved and did:

1) He loved jellybeans, orange swits, kalamay antipolo, lechon! of course, and more food food food. He loved to eat. Thus he died from illnesses that can be gotten from eating

2) He loved cars.

3) He loved to laugh. This is where I got my macabre laughing from (have i mentioned the laughing got me in trouble with sensitive shitcrazy bitches several times already). I swear, the guy invented "LOL"

4) He loved action movies. We grew up feeling Jackie Chan, Samo Hung, Sean Connery, Chuck Norris were dear friends. He even watched those japanese kiddie action shows, like shaider, bioman, etc.

5) He loved baseball. He was part of the little league then. Baseball isn't played too much here for several decades now.

6) He loved my mom, but had a weird, stoic way of showing it. But I know it's very deep.

7) He loved to bring us treats. It's his way of showing he thought of us through the day. He's so good, cellphones weren't in then, I would just repeat in my head "Pops, bring home ice cream. Bring home ice cream..." and when he got home, he has ice cream. Yeah, he's THAT good.

8) He was a soccer dad even if we didn't play soccer, haha. He patiently played "schoolbus" with all of our activities. he also made it a point to ask if i was interested to watch those teenyteen concerts (like the return of menudo... eew) even if im sure being around teeners horrified him.

9) He did lose his temper once in a while, and if he did, it was endearing. Like his roadrage consists of stopping in your face and shouting "OOOng-goyyy!" ("monkey!" instead of the common gutter language, like the tagalog translation of your mom's a whore. nope, he's not like that). So even if you're pissed off, you can't help but laugh. Or, when he saw a thief snatch a lady's bag he tried to run over the thief with the car. stuff like that.

10) He was very understanding of human nature... and had a lot patience. Instead of hacking some gallivanting son-in-law to pieces, he calmly told the freak "Even if you and your wife have problems, watch out for/ visit your daughter. She needs you."

He didn't graduate from college, but he's classier than all the highly educated creeps that lead this country.

I miss him. When parents go, you never really get over it. I generally don't use superlatives, but Never is very accurate for me in this sense.

Well, even if he went, his life never really ended. I still catch glimpses of him. I see him in my sons, when they're all happy, rowdy and LOL-ing. I see him in my mom. I see him in my sibs, especially in cases when they're all kooky, or selfless.

Sometimes, I see him in myself. Especially when I look at my sons, and see them through his eyes.

Yes, he's still very much around.


mrsbear said…
Sorry to hear about your dad, but it sounds like you at least have great memories to share and honor him with. You were lucky to have him, he sounds like a lot of fun.
Casey said…
So sorry to hear about your dad. It sounds like you and he share the same sense of humor which is awesome! It's so hard to not have someone you're so close to there to talk to anymore but I'm glad you see glimpses of him in yourself and your kids...

And YAY, your RSS finally works in my reader. Feedburner was messing with my Firefox plugin and I finally got it figured out. Now I won't forget to visit you here...
Julia said…
Your dad must be very proud to have such a wonderful daughter. I would be if you were my daughter. :)

I hope I would bump by your dad when when my journey here is also over.

Keep on being the great person that you are. That is the best tribute you could give your dad.

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Another birthday...

I can't believe my teen is now 15!

I saw my old post about Isiah's birthday in 2008 and wow... time does fly.

Well, Isiah's 15 today and things are still quite smooth sailing.

No honors in school this year, but that's alright.
He is passionate about his music more than ever. I admire that he regularly sets aside time to study and practice music on his own.
He is not as relationship-crazy or girl-crazy the past months, I wonder why.
He is totally into new-age yikies like meditation and chakras.
Seems like he is generally enjoying his school and friends.

I do bare my fangs for him mostly over his chore of washing the dishes, but that's about it. Yeah, boring.

But for this kind of boring, I am totally grateful. Yay.

Happy birthday son. Thank you for honoring my life with your presence. Love always,

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